At just three blocks from my front door, I was hoping you were truly the king of donuts everyone was saying you were, Moody's. I instantly appreciated your secluded exclusivity. Your antiquarian machinery. Your iconic red barn. Even your graphic design. But your donuts are unimpressive. I am sorry.

Look, here's a freebie. Anyone in town wanna game some real artisanal donuts? Some real higher level shit? Gimme a curry donut with coconut milk glaze. Lemme get an anise donut with milk chocolate frosting. Thai chile chocolate with lemongrass ginger glaze. What do they eat in ethiopia? Fuckin...make a donut out of it! It's time for raised pastry to get international. And for all the brainwork I've done for you, all I ask is some kind of gold foil embossed card I can flash for free donuts for life. For me and my posse. Oh, and I always roll 20 deep.

Citizen Champagne's Whiskey Ice Cream

You try and get a liquor license for your illegal, underground, travelling culinary circus. Go on. There's a lot of hoops to jump through! So when you belly up to the modest bar along the side of our cart, you will have to settle for approximations. A PBR cupcake. A slice of vodka-pomegranate-balsamic strawberry pie. A brown sugar and whiskey sundae.

At Citizen's we serve it up, in a high ball glass, literally crowned with a fresh mint crackle, julep style. You'll have to provide the white suit, of course. Two scoops of this mellow, oakey, creamy treat contains about a shot of whiskey. And, of course, we can always make you a float (minus the mint) with some cane sugar cola.
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